Fixer Mentality

Fixer mentality: People with a fixer mentality have a need to “save” others and think they know how to solve everyone’s problems. However, this is due to an intrusive personality. These kinds of people are usually insecure and it’s easier for them to do for others what they can’t do for themselves.

I am one of these people.

A person with a fixer mentality must fix anything they perceive as hurt, or lacking in happiness. They almost do so automatically because, in reality, they’re often the true survivors of some kind of past damage. They’re the ones who, after all, carry a wound of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

A fixer thinks or feels that they can prevent other people from experiencing pain or discomfort. They feel they can change things or people for the better. Often, a fixer is a kind, compassionate soul who wants to help. 

You may already be aware of the fixer personality type. They feel best when helping others. When they see someone less fortunate than themselves, they immediately want to find a way to remedy that situation. They have a keen sense of the unfairness in the world and strive to correct it.

One of the main pitfalls of being a fixer, is that you have no time or energy to do what is best for you. As a fixer, it is also difficult to say no or even recognize your own needs. The fixer ends up emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted trying to save the world. I had several health issues, I experienced insomnia, major anxiety, illness etc...

Did the people around me have perfect lives? Definitely not. In the end, all my efforts didn’t change anything. Did I help them feel better or less stressed? Probably to some extent, but the reality is that life is hard for everyone and there is always another hurdle around the next corner. The fixer cannot keep up and the job will never be complete.

Healing the fixer

I have learned that I cannot change other people or their lives. I cannot be all the things, to all the people, and survive. I am also doing the people in my life a great injustice by sticking myself into their business. It denies them the opportunity to learn and grow. Toni Bernhard says in Psychology Today that, “not only is no one happy all the time, but people, including our loved ones, need to learn on their own to develop skills for coping well with life’s inevitable ups and downs.”


I had to learn how to put boundaries in place and keep them there, regardless of the guilt I experienced from abandoning my job as a fixer. Fixers need to learn that you can love and be happy for others without being involved in all the details of their lives. There is freedom in acknowledging that you can’t fix anything anyway.

“compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It is a relationship between equals.”

-Pema Chodron


Boundaries can feel distressing as a fixer, but they demonstrate the self-care required to recover. Healthy caregivers take care of themselves first, so they have the energy to be there for others. 

There is hope for the fixer, but it is a challenging change. It is difficult to undo patterns in relationships. It is hard to step out of a role you have played your entire life. When you change, people will either rise to meet you in a new healthy place or they will stay put. You can’t control what happens. You can only meet and love people where they are.