2020 was was a traumatic year. And 2021 has not started off well. Qurantine is hard especially if you are COVID-19 positive. Most people we know are grieving in one form or the other, and we are also grieving. Our parents are losing many friends and some of us are losing parents. Isolation centers are just horrific. We are all traumatized. Something about trauma is that it stays in our body. And if we dont process it, it effects us negativley. Now I understand that its very hard to process anything going on, but we have to try. We need to find healthy releases. 

Here are some things you can do to to process trauma:

1..Mindfulness

2. Talk to someone (have a safe space of people you trust who you can vent to and get positive advice from)

3. Journal / write it down 

4. Cry, Scream, Shout.

Checking In

With all the chaos around. We need to start checking in on our mental health state and that of others. We need each other more than ever and simple check ins on friends can go a long way. Here are 10 simple questions to check in on someones mental health (you can also check your own):

1. How are you feeling today, really? Physically and Mentally.

2. Whats taking up most of your headspace right now?

3. What was your last full meal, and have you been drinking enough water?

4. How have you been sleeping? 

5. What have you been doing for exercise?

6. What did you do today that made you feel good? 

7. Whats something you can do today that would be good for you?

8. Whats something you are looking foward to in the next few days?

9. Whats something we can do together this week, even if we are apart? 

10. What are you grateful for right now?

Toxic Positivity (n)

1. The overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional expirience.

Most of us have developed a mindset of toxic positivity, and we dont even know it.

Clinical phycologist Dr Jamie Zuckerman explains:

“Toxic positivity is a societal assumption that a person, despite their emotional pain or gravity of their situation, should only strive to have a positive outlook. The absence of a ‘think positive’ or ‘good vibes only’ attitude makes people feel as though happiness is unattainable and having negative emotions is wrong,” she adds. “We are currently experiencing the collective trauma of a global pandemic. It is uncertain, anxiety provoking and often grief-inducing. The pressure and expectation to ‘be positive’ during a crisis invalidates a person’s emotions. This can lead to subsequent feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment for having negative, yet extremely appropriate, emotions.”

Negative emotions are ok and extremly appropriate right now.

Grief

Grief during this time is so tricky. Its not only grieving people we are also grieving connection, school, jobs, travel, normalcy...etc

But also losing people to Covid-19 feels so unethical. You already cant see the when they are in isolation, sometimes you dont even have any contact with them. And the 24hr burials are just too fast. Before you can even process or breathe your loved one is buried. And we find ourselves repeatedly going through this process.Its painful. 

One thing about greif is that there is no map. Your not supose to go through a certain checklist because we all deal with it differently. But dont fear to be broken. Be vulnerable. Seek friendship. Cry whenever you need to. Scream. Shout. Sob in the shower. Lay on the floor. Be still. Run. Walk. Create. Live your truth. Share without fear. Wander. Relase your pain. Breathe.

What to say and (what to avoid) when someone is greiving 

Avoid

•Looking for a bright side, if you're thinking of saying 'atleast' just stop

•Forcing common expirience (you dont know how they feel even if youve been through it)

• Offering unsolicitated advice (if the person greiving didnt ask what you think they should do, then keep it to yourself)

•Projecting into the future ( if you are thinking about suggesting that it will get easier or that time heals all wounds, DONT)

Instead 

°Acklowledge the pain, dont minimize or look for the silver lining 

°Acknowledge their pain and remind them that you are therr and will listen. Share memories and stories.

°Listen and offer support with what identify as their needs. Only offer advice if you have a concern for the person's saftey and well being.

°Be present and open to the pain they are expiriencing. Get comfortable with difficult emotions and affirm that they dont need to hide or rush them.

Quarantine

Those of us who are actually (shade inteded) in quarantine, trying to stay safe. I know quarantine gets boring. Here are  some things you can do in quarantine. Except # 8 😂 I would not recomend.

Dont forget to 

• Hydrate 

• Sit in the sun for 15 min

• Drink your vitamins (C)

•Steam 

•Drink your Tea and concoctions ( but be careful with your liver)

•Pray

•Check up on someone

•Laugh

WATCH YOUR DISTANCE. WEAR YOUR MASK. WASH YOUR HANDS.